50 Shades of Rin's Trauma
by VintageHeartss
Summary: That tears it. Rin has officially seen everything. PLEASE, do not take this seriously. I was a bored female on a nine hour car ride. I did this to entertain myself, and hopefully you. CRACK PARODY.


**50 Shades of Rin's Trauma**

* * *

The adrenaline rushed through his veins as he watched with concentrated eyes the golden-haired boy's stroke. He watched him glide through the water like a penguin as he awaited that certain signal; The signal that would classify his chance in the water. His body shook slightly; this would be his first time swimming competitively, and with only a week to practice after just learning, he was unsure of how well he'd do. However, Rei was a fighter. He was determined, and his confidence allowed him to believe that even with his lack of experience, his knowledge of the sport he had picked up throughout the week would surely be enough to get him across the pool and back within the perfect amount of time.

Just thinking about it had the blue-haired boy anxious, he was ready to dive in. He thought about his fellow teammate Haruka and how he would create the perfect angle with his body whenever he dived into the water; _So beautiful_, he thought.

The golden-haired boy, Nagisa, approached him fast, his stroke seeming more and more like art as he gained speed. It was time. Rei assumed position as his teammate closed in on the water and the wall. Sweat dripping down his face as he began the diving stance, and once Nagisa had touched the wall, a half a millisecond after, Rei jumped.

His diving stance was beautiful, matching something of his senpai Haru's. His torso was slightly curved as his arms pointed angularly in front of him. It felt as if he were flying as his body soared through the air. He anticipated the feel of the water run down his body as he went fingers first into the pool. He was doing it, he was swimming..

Well, at least he thought he was. The audience went silent as they watched the poor blue-haired boy flatten out his body in the water, making attempts to go forward. He truly believed he was doing it, the poor soul. His arms cut through the water roughly until he realized, he wasn't going anywhere. He didn't know whether to get out quickly, or just stay underwater until he was able to die. Eventually, he couldn't hold his breath anymore and decided he wasn't ready to die, so he lifted himself out from under the water with a great inhale of air. He walked his way slowly through the water over to the edge. The race had been put to a hold as Haru stared at him from the starting position. Surrounding him were his other teammates, Nagisa and Makoto, along with Rin, who was competing against him at the time. All of their mouths were slightly dropped, all but Rin's. He smirked as if trying to hold back from laughing at him.

"Way-to-go, Speedo Glasses," he said.

"Hey, don't be a dick, Rin," Haru said, reaching out a hand to help Rei out of the pool. He refused it as he lifted himself from the pool and began to walk away. Nagisa ran after him, taking hold of his shoulder.

"It's okay, Rei, you did your best!" he smiled sweetly. Rei pouted.

"That's not comforting at all! If that's my best, then I must suck!" he said, pushing pass Nagisa as he went back over to approach Rin.

"And you. Why don't you shut your mouth next time you think about talking me down, Mr._ I'm A Sore Loser Who Gets Butthurt When Someone Beats My Ass_," Rei spat. Rin lol'd once; the kind where you capitalize it to emphasize how loud you mean it, approaching Rei to his face, badass music playing in the background.

"At least I'm part of a swim team and know how to...swim." Rin bowed his head as if signaling that the case was closed and nothing else could be said afterwards.

"...At least I don't have to worry about killing Haru with my shark teeth when I kiss him," Rei's scowl remained, clearly not arguing for his own personal pleasure. Rin's eyes shot open like a deer in headlights as he stared from Haru to Rei. He grabbed him by the neck and ran him into the wall, clearly offended.

"You've kissed Haru?!" he grunted into his face.

"Bitch I might have," Rei replied, his face unchanged. Rin looked hurt and red in the face.

"Are you...seeing him?"

"Bitch I might be." Rei pushed him off as he glided pass him. Rin felt his eyes dilating and ran over to Haru, grabbing his shoulders roughly and shaking him.

"How could you?!" he screamed, tears in his eyes. Suddenly, they became the main event. The audience's eyes stared at the real action going on in front of the pool.

"Oh he's in trouble now," someone whispered in the misc. Haru's eyes widened as Rin shook him.

"Could I what? What did I do?!" he asked. Rin's face went sore.

"Oh, you know exactly what you did!" He bitch slapped him quickly, running in the opposite direction crying, arms flailing violently. Haru's eyes directed back at Rei, holding the side of his face lightly.

"What the hell did you say to him?" he asked.

"I never approved of anything. He asked if we kissed and if we were seeing each other and I said bitch I might be," Rei shrugged.

"W-why would you do that?!"

"He insulted my swimming skills!" Rei shouted. Haru sighed, chasing after Rin in hopes to make this better.

"Leave me alone you jerk!" Rin cried, throwing himself to the ground.

"Oh shutup, you know I love you. Rei loves Nagisa, not me. You don't have to worry," Haru said, patting Rin's back softly. Rin grunted for falling for Rei's comebacks and humiliating himself.

"Damn, he's as smart as he looks... Very clever, having me humiliate myself in front of you for me humiliating him in front of Nagisa." Rin stood back up and brushed himself off. Haru was quick to swoop Rin down into a tango-styled lean. His eyes became pervy as he brought his lips to Rin's in a passionate kiss. Suddenly Rin was holding a red rose in between his teeth as he looked back up at Haru, eyes sparkling into his.

"Ooo, you're a dirty boy aren't you?" Rin did an eyebrow wiggle.

Later that night while everyone was asleep, Rin snuck out he and Nitori bedroom to meet with Haru by the pool. He got there early, so he had time to take a quick swim before Haru showed up. He stripped down to his bathing suit and dived in.

The water felt different for some reason. It seemed colder. Rin brought his head up from under the water and noticed a diving board at the end of the pool. He smiled to himself as he got out and walked over to it. When on it, he took four bounces before jumping in. His eyes were closed as he readied himself to feel the water underneath him. But for some reason, he got the feeling he should open his eyes, and when he did, his heart had stopped. The water had moved over from the spot where he was diving, causing Rin to discontinue his dive and scream on the way down. He hit the pool floor hard, screaming out in pain as he landed roughly on his side. He could have sworn he broke something.

When he was able to focus his vision again, he looked over at the water with shock.

"How the..."

"That's what you get, bitch." the water said. Rin stared at the water in shock for a second, unsure if what he heard was legit. Then he scrambled to the side of the pool, trying desperately to lift himself up over the ledge only to fall back down.

"What the actual-"

"-Yeah that's right, I'm water. I talk, mhm. I believe I have not yet asked for your two cents in this conversation," the water said. It was clearly a sassy body of water.

"...I'm dreaming..."

"Nah man, you fully awake. This real," the water said. "And I'm not very happy about the way you've been handling my man." Rin's eyes appeared both confused and worried.

"This isn't happening..." he said.

"But it is, though. And you're gonna have to step on out of my baby daddy's life, you heard?"

"Baby...da-..."

"Yeah. I apologize, did I stutter?" the water asked.

Suddenly Haru walked in. When he noticed the water scooted to the opposite side of Rin, his eyes widened.

"Well, this is awkward.." he said. Rin looked over at him.

"Haru, you knew this water was going to be here, why would you invite me here?!" Rin shouted, pointing disgustedly at the water.

"You invited this human? I thought you weren't into humans," the water said. Haru looked from the water to Rin quickly, sweat dripping down his face.

"Haru, your dropping our babies. I told you not to let them play on your face. There goes little Timmy," the water said.

"Right sorry." Haru wiped Timmy and their sweat kids from his face quickly, continuing to look at the both of his lovers in the pool together.

"Look, I love you both, but...my heart belongs...to water." Haru looked at Water with loving eyes, diving into it passionately to embrace it again. Rin looked both heartbroken and disgusted. He couldn't watch this any longer and eventually hobbled his way over the side of the ledge to escape this feeling.

Rin hadn't talked to Haru since that day. It had been another four years before he had heard anything from him. One day while he was reading the newspaper, unshaved and in a robe while Nitori cleaned the bedroom, he saw a headline that took his full interest. His eyes expanded as he read over the title and matching pictures.

"Nanase Haruka and Filtered Water arrested for Aquaality."

* * *

_**I do apologize for this. I had a 9 hour ride ahead of me for vacation. This is what I did for part of my time. Don't take this seriously, I had recently read a lot of funny fanfiction, so I wanted to make my own sort of parody on Free! This is the result. I did this for fun. So, I hope you had fun.**_


End file.
